Animeville: The Elric Brothers
by DrainOnSociety
Summary: Welcome to Animeville. A place where your favorite anime characters live. These are the chronicles of the 'real life' exploits of the millions of anime characters, from Angelic Layer to Yu Yu Hakosho. rnToday's story: the true lives of the Elric brothers,


Animeville: Ed's Night In; Al's Night Out

Ed's Night In

Ed stepped out of the warm shower, relieved to have finally warmed up.

"I'm sick of that damn end theme", Ed yelled from the bathroom, "I stand in that snow for two hours! I don't get. The credits last 30 seconds."

"I don't get it either!" Al yelled back, " hurry up. We gotta go soon."

Ed poked his head out of the bathroom, letting a cloud of steam, "where are _we_ going?"

"Out to eat, remember?" said Al, trying to decide whichshirt to wear.

In life, Ed and Al are millionaires (think about how much cash FMA ranks in. They are the lead actors.). Al is also really human. And 6' tall. Ed however is still about 5'7". Al is also actually quite the bachelor (both of them are about 21. Al is actually the older brother, as their height dictates, but they've been working on the show do long, Al is still in the younger brother mindset).

"I'm not going out tonight," said Ed unaware he'd made plans with Al, "I'm planning a quiet night at home."

Ed stepped out of the bathroom finally dried and in boxers. He walked down the hall to Al's room and leaned in the hallway.

"This isn't gonna end up like last time, is it?"

Al was referring to the time he came home early from a night on the town (his night was cut short because of …public drunkenness. I'll elaborate later" to find his brother masturbating. Ed had lit hundreds of candles of candles and the scene smelled of scented oils. But the atmosphere Ed had set wasn't even the strangest part about the situation. It was what he was watching. Fullmetal Alchemist. Whats so strange about that, you ask? He wasn't jerking off to Winry or Riza, nooo. He was jerking off to...himself.

Too many times had Al walked by the bathroom and had seen Ed dancing provacatively in mirror but he never thought anything of it. Now watching as Ed busts a nut to his own end theme, stands up in perverted satisfaction, turns around to see his mortified brother, then runs into the back room in shame, he realized Ed was actually giving himself a lapdance.

"No," said Ed defensively, "I'm going to therapy."

"Good, good," smiled Al, patting his narcissistic brother on the shoulder, " well, in that case, I'm off. Gotta pick up Michelle (_R.O.D.the T.V._), You know how pissed she gets if I'm late."

"Yeah. Go Have yourself a grand ole time!" Ed said, hitting himself in the chest with his auto-mail arm then flinching from the pain.

"Peeeaace" started Ed.

"Ooouut," finished Al, mimicking a scene from the English dubbed Gravitation.

"Shuichi isn't going, is he?" asked Ed.

He's not really gay," said Al. Ed's a real homophobe, and if Al told Shuichi (_Gravitation_) was coming (which he was), Ed would've tried to stop him.

"Just go before I change my mind," said Ed. Even if he wanted to stop Al, he couldn't. He already had plans...

Al left and walked around the back of the mansion, to the car garage, pulled out the Beamer, and was off to get his girlfriend.

"Finally," said Ed, waving as Al's taillights disappeared down the street.

Ed began to light candles again, but this time was different. He went baack into his room and emerged a few minutes later in his own dress clothes (not as dapper as Al's but still very nice). He then walked into the dining room with a big bucket of ice and sat the bucket on the table as the centerpiece. Just as he had set a bottle of champagne (the good stuff. Think...1965) the doorbell rang. He quickly ran to the door, grabbing the remote to the stereo off of the coffee table and pressing play on a very romantic 'Best of Death Row Records' CD (The Elrics also have an extensive collection of rap albums), then tossing the rmote on te couch and opening the door (all in one smooth motion. He never slowed down.).

"Hey there lover," said Sango (_Inuyasha_) holding a bag containing two orders of Chinese takeout.

"Hey to you too," said Ed in a smooth voice, wrapping his left arm around her waist and planting a big kiss on Sango's lips. With his right hand he he took the food. Then he escorted her into the house. Sango had on a beautiful(and very tight. Thats why Ed thought it was beautiful) oriental style dress and even though it had a slit in it the dress still impeded her movement.

"Love what you've done with the place," she said.

"All of you baby," said Ed. his throat beginning to hurt form constantly making the 'smooth voice', "please cough have a seat."

"Don't mind if I do." She then jumped over the living room and landed in the dining room. She turned around to Ed (who decided to walk to the dining room like normal people ) and said,"I didn't feel like walking." with a smile.

"Do we really want to eat? Can't we just skip straight to the love making?" asked Ed, making hip gyrations when he said 'love'.

"No. We have to eat."

"Why?" Ed whined.

"Brock (_Pokemon_) wants me to tell him how it tastes."

"You got...this," Ed said, slowly opening the bag and smelling it suspicously," from...Brock?"

"Yeah." said Sango, failing to see what the problem was.

"Sango! You know that guy hates me!"

"What makes you say that?"

"Remember that time he switched my order with some Pokemon food!"

"Isn't it possible you just grabbed the wrong bag?"

"No. It said 'Elric' on it"

"Oh."

"I ordered spagetti and meatballs. I ended up eating seaweed noodles andcalcium pellets. It wasn't even fresh Pokemon food. It was the crap the other Pokemon didn't want!"

"You couldn't tell?"

"He disguised it! But you can't disguise that taste..." Ed started shivering in rememberance to the worst thing he'd ever tasted since that time Al dared him to eat dog poop. The poop was better.

"Are you okay?" asked Sango in a very concerned voice.

"So...gross...gross..."Ed was still shivering.

"Come here, baby," Sango said in a mothering voice," lay on Mama Sango's bosom."

"So we _are_ starting the love making," said Ed, perked up outhis funk. And doing the hip gyrations again.

"Sure."

"Really?" Ed's eyes got huge with gleeful anticipation.

"...No."

"Oh..."Ed hung his face in utter disappointment," might as well eat then"

He looked down to his plate thatSango had just sat in front of him. He could honestly say he didn't know what the hell eating."

"I can honestly say I don't know what the hell I'm eating." He said. See. I told you.>

"Just try it." said Sango, already digging into her order.

Ed picked up what looked like some sort of prong. Or a mushroom. He took a deep breath and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth. It tasted like plastic, but for some reason the didn't want to spit it out. Then everything started to slow down. He felt like his heart had been lifted. It was as if all was right with the world.He could swear he heard angels singing. Or Daft Punk. At this point he couldn't tell the difference.

"Is it good?"

"I think my taste buds just had an orgasm."

"Oh..." said Sango...disturbed.

"You can go," Ed sais to Sango.

"What?" asked Sango, not sure she heard what she heard.

"I got mine," said Ed, stroking himself.

"Your not serious."

"Yep."

"So you only called me to have sex?" said Sango angrily.

"Yep," Ed slouched down in his chair.

"I can't believe you!" said Sango. She stood up pulled her giant boomerang out of nowhere. Seriously. There was nowhere she could've had it!

"Men! I should've known you we're incaple of compassion!" She jumped up and tossed her boomerang at Ed.

Ed (without moving his body or even changing the nonchalant look on his face) picked up one of the mushrooms and threw it at Sango. Her boomerang split it in half and the top half shot right in her mouth. Ed then leaned to the side as the boomerang went right past him and got stuck in the wall. Sango landed on the table and crawled to Ed, got about an inch from his face and said, "This is the most digusting thing I've evr tasted. It makes me so hot!" They started making out and ...lets just say thing got a little...adult from there. Three times.

* * *

**A/N: This has to be the most unorthodox thing I've ever written. Hope you liked it. If you have any suggestions, feel free to notify me. Or do one yourself. I'm not greedy.**


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